Tweaker

I'm in love with this band, for sure. Chris Vrenna is such a fine musician. Cauterized off of 2am wake up call has to be one of my favorite songs in the history of all songs ever. w3rd.

Fuck

Eat shit bitches. I feel better now. Bonus in July. Rock. Gotta go break something.

What pain?

My nuts itch and my dog's farts smell really bad. What do you know of pain? Fucking emo kids.

WTF?

Yeah. That's right. WTF?

Bento is good.

cvs update

cvs update
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ack...

Fall Into Sleep

dreams of earthquakes,
dreams of hurricanes,
dreams of pouring rain,
dreams of tidal waves,
(to wash us all away).

dreams of guns blazed,
dreams of fire rage,
dreams of swollen graves,
dreams of hollow pain
all gone.

(no more fallen,
no more enemy,
no more casualty,
no more dream)

fall into sleep-
fall into me-
i have a dream,
but nobody cares,
and nobody wants to listen.
fall into sleep
fall into me
hang onto a dream
that nobody wants
nobody cares anymore.

dreams of morning grief,
dreams of disbelief,
dreams of tragedy,
dreams of our defeat,
(to take us all away).

dreams of fidelity,
dreams of inner peace,
dreams of loyalty,
dreams of unity
all gone.

fall into sleep
fall into me
i have a dream,
but nobody cares,
nobody wants to listen.
fall into sleep
fall into me
hang onto a dream
that nobody wants
nobody cares anymore.

angels of winter,
fall with broken, burning wings.
are we dead inside?
are we blind?
can't keep moving forward,
back burns with closed eyes
we're losing sight,
all lost inside.

no more fallen,
no more enemy.

fall into sleep
fall into me
i have a dream,
but nobody cares,
nobody wants to listen.
fall into sleep
fall into me
hang onto a dream
that nobody wants
nobody wants
nobody cares
nobody wants
nobody cares
anymore.

...all gone...


Great song, great band.

Birfday

Happy Birfday Caleb!!!! Seriously dude, you don't have any idea how happy I am for you and Phoebe. Honestly, I really hope that with things taking their seperate ways that you and me can continue to be good friends. I'm happy your pre-birfday was good and fun for you. That's the way it should be. I know that I need some time to just live on my own and do things my way for a while, but I absolutely love you guys. No matter what happens, I got your backs and no matter where I go and no matter what happens, you both are welcome any time.

Happy birfday brother!

Goodbye Love

I don't know what else to do. Maybe in another life.

Jackpot

Had myself a much needed vacation this weekend. Went off to Jackpot, NV with the family. Played a couple slots to get warmed up (never been in a casino since turning 21) and then watched some blackjack while the family was at a show (thank god I didn't have to go). After about 15 minutes, I decided to push for a seat. Sat down w/ $40 and after about 2 hours had to get up and walk off... with $17. Shit. So I came back to the table (it was a $3 table, FYI) a little later and played a few more hands (well, about 3 or 4 hours of hands anyway) with a couple of the family. Had $30 at the start of that one... left with $75. Fuck yeah. Made $5 on a night of 21. I really, really wanted to get in on the hold 'em tables, but I was a bit scared and wanted to watch a couple rounds to see how to get in on a table. I think next time I go, I'll pay the $20 buy in on the $3x$6 table.

Overall, it was a really good weekend. I missed Yuki and from the look of things, she missed me too. Phoebe took care of her for me, and I tried real hard to bring her back something nice in payment. The problem is that the gift shop in Jackpot sucks. So I took advantage of the no sin tax in Nevada and picked up 3 giant bottles of liquor for everybody. Can't go wrong with some good old fashioned booze.

*crying*

I am so tired. I get up and go to work. I get hassled by the boss. I get told I won't know if I have a job in a month. I get told my work isn't good enough. I get told I need to redo everything I've done because someone else can't think through what they want the product to be. I come home, I clean up after the roommate, I clean up after the dog, and I wait for everyone else to go to bed... I can barely get enough sleep anymore. Things sure have gone for the worst here. The only time I get to relax is after midnight or later and then it's back up at 6:30 the next morning to do it all again. I don't know what to do. I can't stop wanting to cry. I can't find a break. I want out. I want to go home. I want someone to turn to and lay by to tell all of it to. To tell me I'll be okay and that at some point the dog will learn to not shit on things.

I bought her some more toys today. They should keep her plenty entertained. I'm having a hard time getting her to not be afraid of everything. It's hard because she's so young that it's pretty much in one ear and out the other with most things. It's all psychological. Showing her that it's okay to be in the kitchen or in the truck.

I don't know. I'm going to break down soon. I lost it once and let it out to someone who doesn't need my problems. I feel really bad for that. It's just rough. I didn't know that everything could be like this. If I did... maybe I would've done something different. Something that would let me feel happy again. I don't even know when the last time that was...

Frustrated

Where are you supposed to run to when both work and life are frustrating you?

Name

And her name will be, Shane's Yuki-tala (my snow wolf).

What?

A world of shit managed to pile up today, and I drank way too much far too fast. I let more out than I've let out in any case that I wasn't sick as shit. It's sad because I really, really love The Real McKenzies. Too much has just gotten itself lodged into me. I don't know what to do about all of it. It's just piling up and in the end, has no where to go. I've no one to turn to. No one to off-load a little bit onto. No one to listen at those times that I need someone to listen. No one I care about that much. Not that I have any room to bitch... it's just turning itself into a horrible mess. No one to blame... no one to shame....

Puppy

Got myself a puppy today. Husky/wolf mix. Cute as you done ever did see. Has a case of the worms though, which sucks. She's going to the vet tomorrow for her first look at. Did some figuring and at the rate things are going, the living space should grow decently with her. Even with the fighting over whether we get to keep our jobs or not, it should work out okay. I've lived off far less than I would make at the bottom of what I do with enough to spare.

I been tossing around some names and I'm thinking I might call her Suki. Possibly Aiko (if I knew how to pronounce that one exactly). http://www.kanjilearn.com/jws/character.php is a good place to find out what they mean.

Books

Sale at library. Half off. So many books. $6. Cheap as hell. Missed time at Ha'Penny. Time for bed.

Bike

I fucked my bike up.

Puppy

We saw the cutest puppy last night. 3/4 wolf, pure white, cute as you ever seen a puppy be cute. She was loving on phoebe's every time they were together. The poblem is that she's in the hands of a real asshole. Like going to jail soon, puppy protection material asshole. He wouldn't let us take her off his hands while he's away, but he's giving her to his girlfriend when he goes. Thing is, his girlfriend don't really seem to like him much (he is an asshole, afterall). So maybe we can sweet-talk her into letting us have her when he's gone. Or possibly his parents will take the dogs and just "let her go" one day. If all else fails, we're going to steal the dog. And by steal the dog, I mean we're going to take the dog to a safe home where she belongs.

In other news, TMFJW got a job at the Ha'Penny. Rock on, have a Guinness for the man. Real McKenzies on tuesday at the Bouquet, don't miss it. If you do miss it, you're the spawn of satan and you should consider finding a new hobby.

pfft... jokes on you asshole

Saw a midnight showing of Sin City at Edwards last night. God damn is that movie good. Violent as all hell, and stylistic film noir at its best. Definitely a buyer when it's out on DVD. Left me tired as crap today, though. Damn near fell asleep during a couple minute break at work. Well worth it in the end.

Been fighting to get wireless working on my laptop. I guess this is just another area that Linux is losing the battle. It works just dandy on open networks, but when I try to set the psk for our network here, it poops. Something about not allowing keys to be set. It's some real bullshit, let me tell you. The real kicker is that the damn thing has to use the windows drivers through ndiswrapper. I could kick someone.

Last thing, found some copies of MJK singing with the remainder of Alice In Chains at a benefit in february. They're not bad, but definitely nowhere near the quality that Layne put out. It's sad to think about what Alice in Chains would be doing if Layne hadn't gone out. But at the same time, if he hadn't gone out, would the music have really had the same impact? It's hard to listen to some of those songs when you think about what he was going through.