Pain

I feel of much shit lately. I knew something was wrong, so I finally got the nerve to look into it. I was right. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, especially when I know deep down that they're not really someone safe to trust. I'm guessing that's what makes it hurt in such an odd way. I could've just turned my back and said no when I knew that saying no was the right thing to do for myself.

The world would be so much better if people could just be trusted. If they could have the balls to own up to mistakes and take the necessary actions to rectify them. To have the balls to put fear, shame, and ego aside to do what they know is right even if it might mean the worst. It's not just a lesson for dealing with other people, but for dealing with so many of the things that indirectly effect others. We talked a lot in my software engineering class about how important it is that we can trust software. If we can't even trust people on a basic level, how can we trust anything they do, say, and create?

So I've lost someone close to me. For the second time in a single year. I guess that makes me a fool twice over, so we all know where the shame lies. I'd like to think I'm man enough to own up to that deficiency and avoid letting it happen again. I'd also like to think I'm 6' and built like a brick.